


In Another Life

by ohdarlingg



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Christmas, Fluff and Angst, It's A Wonderful Life AU, It's a Wonderful Life, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-26 13:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17142431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohdarlingg/pseuds/ohdarlingg
Summary: After a particularly bad fight with Adam, Ronan wishes he'd never been born.





	1. Chapter 1

The fight had been a bad one, the worst they'd ever had. Adam was home for winter break, his first trip back to Virginia since leaving for college in the fall, and things weren't supposed to be going this way.

Ronan had pictured cozy nights by the fire, getting covered in mud running around the fields, and a lot of making out.

Instead, there was this: Ronan, snarling. Adam, glaring at him through tired eyes.

Adam had made a stupid comment and it had immediately set Ronan off. Ronan couldn't even remember it clearly anymore. Something about Virginia, something that Ronan took to be about himself.

"You're too good for this now, right?" Ronan growled, his voice low and dangerous. "Then why are you still wasting your time with me?"

It was a million of Ronan's nightmares coming true all at once. A stupid little comment like a match, setting Ronan's insecurities aflame. Adam had gone off to college and loved it, just like Ronan knew he would. He was scholarly and impressive, happier than ever, stress lines erased from his face. Ronan felt, increasingly, like he was being left behind. And if not left behind, then like he was holding Adam back from bigger and better things.

Adam threw up his arms in exasperation. "Ronan, I never _said_ that-"

"Fuck you."

Ronan stalked off down the driveway, Adam staring after him with an unimpressed look. The cold had finally gotten to him, so he folded his bare arms over his chest as protection against the wind. "Where are you going? It's Christmas Eve, asshole!"

In response, Ronan held up his middle finger before sliding into the BMW.

With no plans to go anywhere specific, he drove around the backroads of Singer's Falls for a while, letting off some steam with screeching tires and illegal speeds over the soundtrack of loud, thumping electronic music. Eventually, he found his way to a liquor store. His phone, which Adam had called approximately five hundred times since he'd left, was left untouched where he'd tossed it into the backseat.

Several drinks later, Ronan slammed on the gas pedal, no destination in mind. The car swayed over the median line, but there was no one else was on the road to smash into it. Until there was.

" _Fuck_!"

Ronan caught a glimpse of blonde hair, a boy standing in the middle of the road, and cut the wheel as hard as he could. The BMW rumbled down a dirt path into the woods and crumpled unceremoniously against a tree.

Head spinning, half from the liquor and half from the crash, Ronan stumbled out of the car to inspect the damage. He swore loudly; the hood was entirely smashed. It would be an expensive fix, but he was probably lucky to be alive. His forehead was bleeding from the collision, the knock of his head against the steering wheel. He absently reached up and wiped it with the back of his hand, blood smearing like a splash against his pale skin. 

He whirled around to face the boy, eyes narrowed with fury as he marched through a group of trees to the road. "What the fuck were you..." He trailed off, staring blankly ahead at the familiar face.

Noah.

It couldn't be. It was impossible. Noah was gone, had been gone for a long time now. Yet there he stood, seventeen years old in his Aglionby uniform, face smudgy.

"Hey Ronan," he said with a grin, lifting a hand in a wave like this was the most normal thing in the world, reuniting in the middle of the night on some dirt path in rural Virginia. The full moon was hanging low in the sky, stars scattered throughout the darkness.

"I'm drunk," Ronan announced to no one in particular. He was very, very drunk. He'd seen the impossible, but this seemed _too_ impossible to be real. Noah Czerny, the same as ever, standing in front of him like no time had passed. "And you're dead."

"Yeah. I guess some things never change." Noah approached him hesitantly, like someone might approach a wild animal. "So, why are you out here instead of at home with Adam?" He asked in a voice that made Ronan feel like he already knew the answer.

Ronan shook his head, both as a response and as an action of disbelief.

Noah walked past him and sat on the trunk of the ruined BMW. He was observing him, the calmest Noah had ever seemed in a stressful situation. "You could've gotten yourself killed," he admonished.

"Yeah, good," Ronan muttered. "It would be easier that way."

Ronan took a moment to imagine it. The end. No more Ronan Lynch, which meant everyone got to move on, especially Adam.

"You're telling a dead boy that you want to die?" Noah asked flatly.

"No. No, it's not that. I don't want to die," Ronan said. "I just...don't want to exist. I wish I'd never been born in the first place."

Noah snapped his fingers like a goddamn genie. "You got it."

"What?" Ronan stared at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you got it. You were never born. You're welcome."

Ronan stared at Noah incredulously. "You're an idiot. You're a ghost, not a- an angel or some shit."

Noah shrugged noncommittally, then he was gone like the blink of an eye. Ronan was standing in the middle of a dark Virginia road all alone. Had Noah even been there? Had he hallucinated the entire encounter, high off of adrenaline and seeing things?

"Jesus." Ronan rubbed his eyes. He had felt drunk, very drunk, world tipping on its side drunk, just a second ago, but now he felt sober. Incredibly sober, his vision crisp and clear. He reached up to touch the cut on his forehead, but when he pulled his hand away, there was no blood, not even the dried blood on the back of his hand from before. He felt at his face, but it was as though he'd never been hurt. Had he hallucinated that too?

Slowly, he walked back into the woods towards the BMW. There it sat, in all its glory, perfectly untouched. Not a single scratch on the glossy gray paint.

Ronan circled the whole car three times, inspecting every detail. It was as if the crash had never happened. He was starting to wonder if it had. The back of his neck prickled with a strange mix of fear and dread. Whatever was going on, he'd had enough of it. He climbed into the car and started the long drive back home to the Barns.


	2. Chapter 2

The Barns was all wrong when Ronan arrived. There were tacky, blow-up Christmas decorations in the fields: a giant snowman, a huge reindeer with a blinking red nose. There were three unfamiliar vehicles parked in the driveway: a green pickup truck, an ugly gray sedan and a navy SUV. All the decorating he'd done with Adam and Opal, the lights they'd strung up around the property, were gone, replaced with cheap looking tinsel. It was like looking at the Barns, but in a backwards, upside-down universe.

He parked the BMW and got out, glancing around at it all frantically. There was a wreath on the door that he hadn’t hung up. There were lights on inside. As soon as he approached the front door, it swung open to reveal an older man with salt and pepper hair. “Can I help you, son?” he asked in that slow, familiar Virginia drawl.

Ronan stood in front of the man, struck with absolute shock. Had that moment with Noah been real? Had he really done something, made it so that Ronan had never been born? In that case, weren't the Barns still property of the Lynch family?

“I’m...I’m looking for the Lynch family. They live here.”

The man’s eyes lit up with recognition. “I’m afraid you’re too late. I bought the property off of the Lynch boy years ago. What was his name? Started with a D, very Irish...”

“Declan,” Ronan repeated numbly.

“That’s it! Declan Lynch. He sold the property to me after his father was killed.”

“That son of a...” Ronan trailed off, swearing under his breath. How could Declan do this to him, to their family? How could he sell their childhood home?

Easily. No Ronan there to stop him.

“Wish I could be more help, son. Stay warm out there.” The door swung closed in Ronan’s face.

Ronan’s brain was short circuiting. He concentrated very hard on small movements- putting one foot in front of the other until he was securely back within the safety of the BMW.

“Noah,” he called out into the empty car. He waited for his friend to suddenly appear, for something to happen, but there was only silence. “Noah!” He tried again, voice desperate. “Noah, please.”

Noah blinked into existence. One minute, Ronan was alone in the car. The next, Noah was sitting beside him. 

“What’s happening?” Ronan asked. “Where are...where are Adam and Opal? They were in the house before I left.”

“Well, there is no Opal,” Noah explained, matter-of-fact. “No Matthew either. And no Cabeswater. Because there’s no you. But Adam’s at Nino’s.”

Ronan stared. And started. And stared.

“I told you, Ronan. You were never born.” 

Then Noah was gone again.

Ronan slapped his hand against the steering wheel as hard as he could. "Fuck!" Heart thudding in his chest, he slammed on the gas towards Nino’s. 

He wasn't sure what he had expected to find when he arrived, but the normalcy of the scene in front of him struck a nerve. Adam was sitting in a booth, picking at a slice of pizza, with Gansey scribbling in his journal across from him. The fluorescent lighting made Ronan wince as he stepped inside, watching them from a careful distance.

"I feel like we're getting close," Gansey was saying, his head ducked in concentration. 

"Maybe." Adam's voice was dull. Ronan got the feeling that they'd had this same conversation many times before.

"It must be right in front of our noses," Gansey said. "We're just missing it somehow."

The closer Ronan drew to their table, the more detail he could make out in their faces. Gansey looked like he hadn't slept. It had been a long time since Ronan had seen him looking that exhausted, not since pre-Blue. Adam was looking down at the table miserably, dark circles under his eyes too. It took a moment for Ronan to realize that there was a jagged line across Adam's jaw, a scar that hadn't been there before. Ronan couldn't help himself, he moved to the table to inspect it.

Gansey's eyes shot upward as he approached and when he got a little too close to Adam, Adam scooted backwards, away from him. Ronan winced at the sight of his boyfriend moving away from him like that, like he didn't even know him, like he was a creepy stranger encroaching in his personal space.

"Can we help you?" Gansey asked. He straightened up and visibly brightened, putting on his President Cell Phone mask.

Ronan was at a loss for words, looking back and forth between Gansey and Adam and the lack of recognition on their faces. It hurt so much that he couldn't stand it.

"I was...I overheard your conversation," Ronan managed. "I don't mean to pry, but...what are you talking about?"

Gansey's face split into a grin. "What do you know about dead Welsh kings?"

"Nothing," Ronan lied, his eyes glued to that scar running along Adam's beautiful face. "Nothing at all."

"Sit down, sit down. Prepare to have your mind expanded!"

As Ronan slid into the booth, Adam scooted away from him, leaving space between them. Gansey was already off on his usual tirade, going on and on about the wonders of Glendower. Noah must have shown him this for a reason. Without Ronan, they'd never found Glendower, but was that supposed to be a bad thing? That meant Gansey hadn't died. The demon had never infected Cabeswater. His mother- his mother was probably still alive, albeit fast asleep.

Adam checked his watch. "I have to get to work."

"Work?" Ronan could hear the crazy tone of his voice, but he couldn't stop himself. "Where do you work? Don't you go to school?"

Adam stared at him. "I work at a garage."

"Adam studies engineering at community," Gansey helpfully supplied.

"What?" Ronan's face was pale. "What about ivy league?"

Adam laughed, a short harsh noise that sounded like a swear. "That's a pipe dream." He pushed his way out of the booth, forcing Ronan to stand, and walked off.

"Anyway," Gansey said, turning back to Ronan after waving goodbye to Adam. "Where was I?"


End file.
